Kissing in the Rain
by xxScreamingInsidexx
Summary: As he wrapped his arms around her I broke into a thousand pieces, tears filled up in my eyes and slid down my cheek. Then I realized I wasn't crying these tears for him, but for her.... EmmaEllie Slash
1. Chapter 1

_This is dedicated to the one I'm not complete without. I luv ya babe, u know who you are._

_Disclaimer: I don't own a single detail of degrassi_

The lights flickered off and I was left in the darkness. I sat alone with just the sound of my heart beating and the rain striking the windows. Nights like these use to make me miss him. The digits on the clock flash 12:00 over and over. The clock may be frozen but time races by. Though it was over a year ago, I can still remember it clearly.

"_Damnit Ellie, it was just one bottle, calm the fuck down." Sean slurred._

"_I can't calm down" I hollered back. "This is why I moved in with you, remember, to get away from all-"_

"_Ellie" Sean started, cutting me off, "Why don't you take a small sip to calm your nerves. _

_Sean staggered and the bottle crashed to the floor. I sighed and bent down to clean up the glass, I looked up but the only trace left of him was the door slamming shut. This was the fifth day that week he'd come home drunk. What was the point in moving here, if I had to deal with the same shit. The drizzle outside had turned ito a storm. I slipped into my jacket and walked out the door. If I didn't find Sean soon, there would be more than broken glass. _

I ran down the steps and started walking. He wasn't in the park. Could Sean really care for me anymore. He was to focused on reaching the bottom of the bottle then locking the door at night. The lights flickered off at the Dot. Reminds me of when I saw Marco sipping drinks with Hazel, Jimmy, and Paige. Marco had left me in the dark, after he came out ti Degrassi. I acted like his girlfriend for a year and now I'm just some picture in his scrapbook. A bolt of lightning luminates the local cemetary. Craig did the same thing to Ashley, he used her and left her. No wonder him and Sean became friends, they have so much in common after all. As I was walking pass the ravine I heard his voice. Figures, he was probably drinking some more. I moved a branch out of my face, and followed where his voice was coming from. I saw him laughing at something. I called out to him but my voice we silence by the thunger overhead. I cleared some more leaves and vines out of the way. That's when I noticed he wasn't alone. My heart skipped a beat. He was with Emma Nelson. I tried to hold back my tears. He ran his hands through her soaking wet hair. She caressed his neck and playfully slipped her tongue through his lips.

The tears escaped and rolled down my cheek. Then it hit me. I wasn't jealous of her, I was jealous of him. I wanted to be the one holding her, I wanted her to cling to me the way she was clinging to him, I wasn't crying these tears for Sean, I was dying inside because he had what I couldn't. Maybe one day my dream would come true. Maybe one day it would be me and Emma. Maybe one day it would be me, not Sean, with her, us, kissing in the rain.

A/N: Sorry if that sucked, consider it a stepping stone for the rest of the story.


	2. Chapter 2

Ellie took one last look around the house then zipped her suitcase shut. She didn't know where she was going to stay, but anywhere was better than here.

"Ellie" Sean mumbled sleeply from the couch in the next room.

Ellie ignored him and scribbled a quick note. She walked out of the house and never once looked back. Her cell vibrated in her pocket and she fished it out.

"Hello?"

"Ellie, I called your cell three times last night, where were you?"

Ellie smiled slighty at the sound of her friend's worried voice.

"Sorry I guess I didn't hear it, Hey Ash can I stay at your house tonight?"

"Yeah sure, did you and Sean have a fight?"

"I guess you could say that, you just can't rely on guys what can I say?"

"Heh, yeah I know what you mean, well I have to go I'll see you in a few."

Ellie hung up her phone and continued up the block. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay at Ashley's house forever. And I certainly couldn't go back home to live. I sighed as I walked into the dot.

"What can I get for you Rainbow Groupie?"

I looked upstartled by the comment. The frustrated blonde boy in front of me impatiently tapped his pencil. I realized he was referring to the time last year when me and Marco were a "couple".

"Spinner, that was a long time ago if you're going to try and insult me atleast let it be recent."

"Whatever, what are you ordering?"

"I'm not ordering anything, I need to talk to your manager."

"Why?"

"None of your damn business, now where's your manager at?

"He's in back somewhere, don't' bleed on anything while yur back there Vamp."

I rolled my eyes and pushed past him. I waited by the counter until the manager came out.

"Um, Excuse me sir?

"Yes, can I help you?"

"I was wondering if you were hiring?"

"Yes we are, just fill out this application and leave your number."

"Alright thanks."

At Ashley's house

"Ellie what happened? You look like hell." Ashley said when she answered the door.

"Hey, it's nice to see you too" I said as I walked inside.

"Oh, sorry, but seriously what happened?"

"Well yesterday I went to the ravines to look for Sean-"

I stopped mid sentence realizing that I couldn't tell her why I left. I didn't even understand what these thoughts were, so I knew she wouldn't.

"Go on Ellie"

"Well I'm just sick of Sean being drunk all of the time. Where should I put my stuff?"

" Oh just put it in the extra bedroom."

"Thanks Ash, hey do you mind if I take a quick shower?"

"No not at all"

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My make up was a wreck from the night before. My hair was a mass of tangles. I looked on the wall. There was a picture of Toby and his friends. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Emma. She looked so innocent and pure smiling there. I reached out to touch the picture. What is it about you Emma that I'm drawn to? There was nothing I could do, I'd just have to get over you, erase you from my mind. I never expected in a million years how impossible you would make that for me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kissing in the Rain**

**Chapter 3**

Emma's POV 

I could hear a ringing in the distance. The phone hadn't stopped ringing since the night at the the ravine. It was either Sean who couldn't rememebr what happened because of his "state of mind", Manny calling for juicy details, Liberty calling for notes on a science quiz, but not once did Ellie call. I don't know why I expected her to call. She was hurting, and her hurting was because of me.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I just wanted to be closer to her. The last thing I had wanted to do was harm her in any way. I don't remember when I fell in love with Ellie Nash. It seemed like I had always loved her. She had a glow about her when she walked down the hall. Her smile made me melt. Her eyes, wow they were soulful, so beautiful. The weird thing is we hardly spoke. I admired her from afar. Sadly, I know that's how it's going to stay.

Ellie was made up of many different emotions. You never could read her like you can so many other people. I remember the passion in her eyes when she was with her ex boyfriend Marco, I saw her suffering in the silence when her father went off to war. I remember her courage when she left her mom to live with Sean.

Sean. Sean had smelled like her perfume that night. That's why I clung to him so. When he held me, I knew she had been in he same spot just hours before. When he kissed me I knew it would be the closest I'd coem to kissing her. I didn't mean to hurt her. All I wanted was to be close to her. How could I have been so careless. I should've known she'd come looking for him, she's so thoughtful like that. Now she'd hate me. I had ruined any chance of her wanting me, the way I craved her. I sighed and decided to go get something sweet to make this bitter feeling a little less harsh. A shake from the dot would hopefully do the trick. The bells chimed on the door as I walked into the dot. I looked up and there she was. She smiled at the couple she was serving and scribbled down their orders. She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked up. Our eyes met and I stopped breathing. I knew I'd have to confront her sometime, and I guess it was now or never.


	4. Chapter 4

**Kissing in the Rain**

Chapter 4 Emma's POV 

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. I walked over to a seat at the counter. I grabbed a menu and scanned the pages. It may have looked like I was reading it, but my heart was beating to loud for me to focus. I heard foot steps behind me. My heartbeat started racing, My palms were sweating and I nervously wiped them on my jeans. The footsteps stopped and so did my heart. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I took a deep breath and turned around.

"What can I get for you Green Peace?"

Spinner was standing in front me me. I rolled my eyes and gave him an annoyed look.

"You're so out of date." I replied, "Green Peace was so last year."

"Whatever" He pulled out his tab of paper, "So, what are you ordering?"

"Can I have a Vanilla shake?"

"Shake machine's broke"

"Damn, okay can I have a cherry coke then?"

He scribbled my order down and went back to the kitchen. I'm not sure if I was disappointed or relieved. Well atleast I could breathe now. I heard Spinner coming back with the drink. I didn't even bother looking up as he put it down on the table.

"Spinner took his lunch break so I'll be your server today. Is there anything else you'd like to order?"

My heart skipped a beat as I took it in that Eliie was standing right in front of me. She was wearing caki pants and Black T-shirt that read "The Dot". Typical uniform. Her hair was thrown back in a messy bun and she had a piece of hair in her face. I resisted the temptaion to push the piece of hair out of her eyes.

"That sounded rehearsed." I said trying to smile and lighten the mood.

Ellie gave a little smile. " Heh, yeag I need to make some extra cash, so I can't lose this job."

"Oh, are you having trouble paying rent" I asked and immediantly regretted it.

"Oh, um no I'm ont living with Sean anymore, I'm trying to find my own place."

"Oh, I'm sorry"

"Don't worry about it, so is there anything else you'd like to order?"

"No thanks I'm fine."

"Alright I'll bring your check out."

She started to leave but I reached out and grabbed her arm, She winced. I loosened my grip.

"Sorry, I didn't realize I grabbed you that hard."

"You didn't."

"Oh?" Then it hit it me.

"You started again?"

She shifted to her other foot. "Um yeag, I'm going to get your check now this place is getting busy."

Before I could stop myself I asked, " Was it because of what you saw me and Sean doing?"

"I would never um cut over a guy, especially Sean if that's what your asking."

"Oh, um I just wanted to say sorry about well you know."

"Seriously it's fine, things were going downhill anyway. Plus I wasn't in love with him. I'm in love with-" she paused "someone else"

I felt like I had been stabbed all over my bosy with knives. How could I ever think she's ever love me. I was jstu a cause girl who made a few mistakes, a few big mistakes, in the ravine. Now I had to live by those mistakes.

"Oh that's good" I managed to get ouy.

"Um yeah I guess."

Ellie, I know we don't really know each other that well but-"

'A voice from the back yelled "Hey Ellie get back to work and stop chatting!"

"That's my cue to leave, I'll see you around."

She brought my check back and went back to serving other tables. I stood up and wlaked out the door. I had fucked up this time and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Kissing in the Rain**

**Chapter 5**

Ellie's POV 

Did that just happen? I pinched my arm to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I felt a quick sting of pain. Yes, I was awake. I looked out the door and I saw her just standing in the parking lot looking in the dot. Watching something. Damn she looked gorgous. She had these ripped lowrise hip huggers. She had a black spaghetti strap tank top on. She had her thumb in her pockets and she had her head tipped to the side. She reached her hands in the air to stretch, Her shirt went up a tad, her belly button was pierced. Wow, I never knew that. It took a lot for me to hold back the urge to throw down the rag I was wiping the table with and run out to her.

Wait……..

What was I thinking. She was a girl, it wasn't right to have these feelings for another girl. I was probably just in shock because of Sean. I mean his hands had been all over her, why wouldn't I be confused. Yes, confusion that's what it all came down to. I looked back out side. She was still there, watching something. There's nothing special in here, why does she keep looking. I cleared the glasses off the table I was washing. When I lookd back up she was gone. For some reason I felt disappointed.

As I stuffed my bookbag in my lockers, it's contents spilled all over the floor. Shit, what a great way to start the week. God, I hated Mondays. I bent down to pick up all my stuff. I heard the bell ring, well it looks like I'm gonna be late. Everything was in a blur as I picked my stuff up. Pencil, ruler, notebook, calculator, compass……. Compass. I heard footsteps, I took a quick look around but noone was there. I scooped everything into my back pack. I grabbed the compass.

I hadn't lied to her when I said I didn't cut because of Sean. I had cut because of her. Same situation, but it wasn't' because of Sean. I learned awhile ago, if your word things just right you can make people think sometihng else without actually lying. I Traced my finger over the sharp edge of the compass. I had the power to control how much I bled. Atleast I had control of something. I heard something move down the hall. I quickly shoved the compass in my locker and shut it. I started to walk to class.

"No I was in a weird mood that day, I don't know what came over me."

"What do you mean, I thought we had something."

I stopped dead in my tracks, Sean had Emma cornered and was talking to her.

"It was just a kiss, I think I was a little tipsy that day anyway."

"Then you wont mind another." He leaned in to kiss her.

I couldn't take anymore. I faked a sneeze, and started to turn the corner.

Sean was still standing with Emma but she wasn't cornered anymore. I didn't say anything. I put my stuff on the ground and got a drink of water. I could feel their eyes on me and I took my name. I heard Sean let out an annoyed sigh and he walked off. I picked up my stuff and started to leave.

"Ellie…"

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear anything?"

She looked like she was going to have a heart attack. Poor thing, it was kinda cute though.

I started to say no but instead I just nodded.

"I don't want him Ellie."

"I noticed."

The loudspeaker came on.

"Could Emma Nelson please come to the office?"

"Um I have to go, I'm going to be painting some set pieces for the play during lunch."

"Okay, have fun." I said.

She paused like she was waiting for something.

"You're kind of creative in an artsy kind of way."

What was she trying to get at?

"Thanks I guess."

"Um," she was looking down and tucked her hair behind her ear. "We want the set to look good, and you've got talent, did you want to help at all."

Wasting my lunch painting wood wasn't exactly what I had planned on doing that day, yet for some reason I couldn't say no.

"Um sure, I'll meet you in the auditorium."

"Alright, well I've got to get to the office, See ya" she said and hurried off.

Geez what had I done, this was going to be incredibly awkward, well hopefully something good will come out of it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Kissing in the Rain**

**Chapter 6**

Ellie's POV 

I stood in front of the auditorium doors for what seemed like hours. I couldn't breathe right and I was trembling like mad. I thought carefully, I lost my boyfriend, and my mother, and my house, what else is there to lose? I pushed open the doors, everything was pretty dark. I looked around. I could hear Manny's voice backstage talking to Liberty. Jay and Alex were in a corner making out. JT was talking to some new girl about costumes. Where was Emma though? I saw some push open the door struggling with a box of supplies. I noticed it was her, I smiled to myself and went to help her out. Just as the box was slipping from her grip I caught the other side.

"Thanks, I didn't see you there at first."she said.

"Yeah I noticed." I smiled, "So, where are we putting this stuff?"

"Over by those chairs." She motioned with her elbow.

We put the box down, She grabbed some paint and brushes out of the box. She started to swirl some colors together and paint some wood. I grabbed a brush and did the same. Her hair draped in front of her face like a curtain. Without thinking I moved her hair behind he shoulder. She gave me a confused look.

"What was that for?" she asked.

I wanted to scream and say, because you're so fuckin beautiful you shouldn't shield your face!

"You don't want to get pain in your hair." I said, oh my god that sounded so lame.

She looked disappointed. "Oh, thanks." She pulled out a hair tie and tied her hair up.

Thankfully I had my hair down in front of my face, or else she would've seen me blushing furiously.

"You shouldn't have your hair in your face either." She said.

"I don't care if I get paint in my hiar." I said

"That's not why I said you shouldn't have your hair in your face." She said.

She took her gloves off and put my hair in a braid.. I could feel her breath on my neck. My pulse quickened as I felt her fingertips brush against my neck. Then she leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"It's because you're to beautiful to hide behind your hair."


	7. Chapter 7

**Kissing in the Rain**

**Chapter 7**

Ellie's POV 

**(back to present time)**

The rain was pounding on the rooftop harder. Hard to believe, this all happened a year ago. I never had any idea I would be where I was now, in a year. I closed me eyes and continued my trip down memory lane.

Emma's POV 

Her skin was so soft. Her hair smelled like peaches. The words escaped my lips before I could stop them.

"It's because you're to beautiful to hide behind your hair."

Ellie stopped painting. Oh shit, what had I done. She was probably totally freaked out by me now. Now I couldn't even have an excuse to be around her. I closed my eyes and savored what I knew would be my last moment with her. The silence between us seemed to last for hours. She turned around to face me. My heartbeat was racing.

She smiled and said, "You know, I was going to say the same thing about you."

Her response shocked me. I took me a few seconds before I could say anything.

"Really?" I choked out.

"Really." She said.

I didn't say anything.

"So, are you a lesbian then?" she asked timidly.

"Honestly, I don't know." I answered truthfully, "I've never felt this way about another girl before."

"Yeah, I mean I cared for Sean, but that was nothing compared to what I feel now." She said.

"Ellie, I think I might lo-" I started to say.

She put her finger to my lips and shook her head. "Don't say that. It's to early to say that, plus people throw that word around way too much." She said.

"Well, why don't we get to know each other a little better then?" I said kinda flirtatiously.

Her eyes twinkled. "Yeah, we should meet up later today." She said.

"Well, we can go to your place, or mine but if we go to mine there's a crying baby that comes along with it." I said jokingly.

"I don't have a place at the moment, I'm staying at Ashley's." she said looking down.

"Oh that's right!" Geez how could I forget about that, ugh I'm such a moron, "Well, my parents are gonna be working, but we'll have to babysit." I said, "Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah sure, little kids are cute." She said.

I laughed, "Yeah, crying at every hour of the morning, and spitting food all over your clothes, they're adorable." I said.

She laughed. " Eh, that doesn't sound exactly fun, but whatever."

The bell rang. I noticed we hadn't gotten much work done. I quickly gathered the supplies and threw them in a box. I scribbled down my number and address and gave it to Ellie. Ellie started to walk out of the auditorium.

"Hey Ellie" I called.

She turned around and I blew her a kiss. At that exact moment Sean Cameron decided to grace us with his presence.

A/N: Olive Juice


	8. Chapter 8

**Kissing in the Rain**

**Chapter 8**

**Emma's POV:**

Ellie turned bright red. She mutterered some excuse and hurried pass him. I smiled, she was so cute when she was embarrased. I don't get why she cares what that ass thinks of her. I gather my things and start to leave.

"What the hell was that?" Sean said.

"That would be a human named Ellie." I said sarcastically.

"No shit, you know what I mean Emma" he said.

"Do I? I'm no mind reader." I stated.

"Since when do you guys even communicate, now your blowing her a kiss? You guys didn't talk before, I sure as hell didn't think you'd talk now." He said.

"You thought a meaningless kiss would make us enemies, well we didn't talk then but we're talking, why do you care, she's no longer yours." I said

"Fuck you Emma." He spat.

"No, actually I'd rather not" I said and walked pass him and through the doors.

What was his problem? Who does he think he is, he doesn't control her. I dropped the supplies in the office and went to media immersion. I slid in a seat next Manny.

"Hey Em, did you hear what happened?" Manny whispered.

"No, what happened?" I said with a bored voice.

"You know that senior Marco?" Manny said.

"Duh, he's the president." I said.

"Well, someone trashed his locker?" she said excitedly.

"It's not his fault the cafeteria food sucks, whyd they target him" I said jokingly.

"It's because he's gay, Emma, duh." She said.

Before I could reply class started. Gay bashing I had forgotten about that. I hadn't told Sean about me and Ellie, but I had hinted at it. SHIT, Shit, shit! I so had to straighten this out. I kept watching the clock, but the more I watched it the slower it moved. I needed to talk to Ellie. I threw my stuff in my locker and practically sprinted to the cafeteria. I scanned the room and I couldn't see her. I saw her waiting in line. I I took a deep breath to calm down and walked towards her.

"Hey El…." I said.

She turned around and gave me a weak smile. "Hey Emma."

"Hey um I made a mistake." I looked up but her face was emotionless.

"Well I talked to Sean when you left." I continued but she cut me off.

"I know." She said calmly.

"Oh, did he say anything?" I asked.

Before she could answer, Sean came over put his arm around her and gave her a kiss.

"Hey babe, how are you?" He said to her as if I wasn't even there.

"I'm doing alright, hey I'll meet you at the table alright?" she said to him.

"Alright." He said and walked off.

Neither of us spoke for a few minutes.

"You guys back together?" I asked.

"Look Em, I'm confused I'm not sure about anything." She said.

I couldn't look at her, "You didn't answer my question."

"Yeah we're back together, look he's always been-" she started to say, but I just walked off.

I couldn't let her see the tears building up in my eyes, threatening to escape.

I knew this was to good to be true. Everything always fucks up. Maybe she just needed time. I looked back once. She sat next to him. They both looked up, she turned the other way. Sean smiled and flicked me off……………..This was war.


	9. Chapter 9

Authors Note: Hey guys, I've been super busy this year so sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I'm coming off a long writers block, so if this sucks, that's my excuse.

Kissing in the Rain 

**Chapter 9**

Ellie's POV 

Part of me wanted to reach out and pull her back when she walked away, but the other part of me, the more rational part, interfered. What was I supposed to do, run after her and confess my undying love? I don't even know what I'm eating for dinner tonight, how am I supposed to understand love. I don't even understand what's going on. It's high school. Relationships aren't going to go anywhere after we all graduate high school, so why should I dwell on it. I'm just confused, I'm freaking myself out. I stirred the mashed potatoes on my lunch tray slowly.

"El, cheer up, it's a Friday why are you so mopey?"

I looked up to see Marco beaming at me, Dylan was at his side. They both looked so happy together. I haven't seen Marco smile like that since, well never. Well, he deserves it, he hid his true self for so long. Poor guy.

"The lunch food, it's making me kind of sick." I replied with a shrug.

"Aw babe, I was probably the smell of all that paint making you sick, not this food." Sean said and leaned in for a kiss.

I couldn't do this, I got up to through my trash out and walked out of the cafeteria to the restroom. God, why can't I just suck it up and act how I used to around Sean. We were so lovey dovey and all that stuff. I'm just being childish. I splashed some water in my face and took a deep breath. I started walkng back toward the cafeteria, but I walked straight into Marco.

"El, what's going on?"

I started to say "nothing" but I couldn't it just didn't seem right, I couldn't lie to him. Instead of saying anything I just fell to the floor in a crumpled heap.

"I'm just so fucking confused Marco, I'm just so lost!" I just started sobbing, I haven't cried like that in awhile. Everything just poured out of me man, everything.

Marco kneeled down and rubbed my back.

"It's okay El, it's alright"

No, I kept thinking to myself. It's not right. It's wrong, it's just wrong. Isn't it? But how can something so wrong, feel so right?


	10. Chapter 10

**Kissing in the Rain**

**Chapter 10**

Emma's POV 

I didn't understand it. I mean I don't have a clue. Usually I can come up with some sort of guess for these things, but I was baffled. I was lost. I can't stop asking myself…why? We had clearly spoken of our feelings. What had happened? This pain was driving me insane. It wouldn't be so bad but I just didn't get it. Why is she trying to hurt me? I walked into the restroom. I caught my reflection in the mirror. Luckily, it didn't look like I had just been crying. Either way, I applied a fresh coat of lip gloss and put some mascara on. I took a deep breath. I just need to calm down. She's probably just worried about bashing and rumors. I just have to assure her that everything will be fine. We can keep our relationship hidden. Whoa, I'm moving way to fast, we're not even in a relationship. I walked out of the restroom, just in time for the bell to ring. I started to walk to class. I was late already what was the point of going. The halls were empty, so I wandered around in a daze. I didn't know why I was stressing so much over this, it's not like I loved the girl, I hardly knew her. Right?

The breeze felt good as it whipped through my hair while I walked home. The best thing to do was try and forget about it for now. I'm just stressing out right? I walked in the door. The silence that greeted me wasn't bitter or lonely, it was perfect. Mom was at the salon and baby jack was with a sitter. Thank god. I grabbed an apple and went to my room. I flopped on my bed and just grabbed my cd player and closed my eyes, embracing the music.

"Hello?"

Ellie's voice, wow I couldn't even escape it with my music.

"Hey beautiful" I whispered to her voice in my head.

"What?"

My eyelids fluttered open. Ellie was standing in my room watching me. I sat up quickly. Ugh too quickly, I felt my brain sway. Okay I defiantly wasn't dreaming. Ellie was standing in my room/laundry room. I reached out to touch her arm and she flinched at first.

"Ellie?"

"Em, are you okay? You seem a lil off" she replied.

I rubbed my temples and stood up. She was definitely real. Shit, I guess she heard me call her beautiful. Hell, I shouldn't regret it, I meant it. She sat down and started to look around.

"So, this is your room." She said awkwardly.

"Ellie, why are you here?"

"We were going to meet up after school. We talked about it in the auditorium remember?" she replied.

I had completely forgotten about that, it seemed that ages ago that we had come up with the arrangement.

"I didn't see you the rest of the day so I was wondering-" he started to say.

"I skipped that's all, it's nothing serious."

"Oh"

There was a long silence, and I really didn't fill like saying anything to make it go away.

"Em?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really lost, I don't know what's going on, I need time to straighten everything out. I'm sorry." She said and looked and the floor.

I wanted to scream that there was nothing to straighten out, that I was the right answer, that her apology couldn't fix my crushed heart, but all I said was "I see."

By the look on her face I guess she had assumed I would say a tad bit more after her apology. She picked up her things.

"Well, I guess I'll be going."

She picked up her things and walked out of my room. After a few seconds, I decided to be a good host and follow her to the door.

As she stepped out into the street I realized I couldn't stay mad at her and I wanted her to know that.

"Hey El," I yelled.

She turned around "Yes?"

"I'll be waiting for when you straighten everything out okay?"

she smiled "Thanks Em" she walked over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked off.

I was falling hard for Ellie Nash, and I knew it would only hurt me in the end, but I couldn't help it. Love isn't something you can control, love simply is, it just is.


	11. Chapter 11

**Kissing in the Rain**

Chapter 11 

**Ellie POV:**

Jesus Christ! This isn't fucking fair! I'm so confused, I'm going to lose her. I'm losing myself. I hate hurting her. I don't get how this can be better. How can hurting this much be right? It's wrong for two girls to be together so I'm doing what's right. Doing what's right has never hurt this much before though. What the hell was I thinking, showing up at her house? What did I expect, her to welcome me with open arms. I was pacing in my room.

"What the hell am I supposed to do, give me a sign!" I yelled to no one in particular.

My eyes got the reflection of my razorblade in the distance. It was almost tempting. I started to walk towards it. I went to pick it up. Suddenly my cell phone went off. It startled me a bit but I picked it up.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey babe" Sean said his voice slurred and hard to make out because of the music in the back round.

I sat down "Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm at Jays, it's a party, you wanna come?" he asked.

"You know I don't drink much." I said.

"Aw, come on babe, I'm here it'll be fun." He said and hung up.

I put my phone down. Well, he's my boyfriend right, I might as well go? I grabbed a hoodie and walked out of the house. I'm so sick of whatever this feeling is, I needed a little fun to get my mind of it. I could hear the music blaring from Jay's apartment as soon as I got there. I pushed the door open and entered a world of sex and drugs. I walked past people making out against a wall, stepped over some broken bottles, picked up discarded blunt and threw it in the trash. I saw Sean laughing and playing pool with Amy, Jay, Alex and some other people. I didn't get how people could stand getting wasted like this. Well, it's gotta be better than whatever hell I'm going through now. I picked up a vodka bottle and took a swig. It burned the back of my throat as it slid down. I walked over to Sean. He said something but I couldn't understand him over the music. I took another swig and started to lose myself. In a few minutes I had downed the whole bottle. It was then I realized Sean and everyone was eyeing me strangely.

"What's gotten into you?" Sean said.

"Yeah really, you're usually such a bore." Amy joked.

I was in a haze. I pushed Amy down on the pool table. I viciously kissed her. It was like a furious passion.

"Am I still a bore?"

She took control then and kissed me back harshly. I started to kiss her neck and she ran her hands through my hair.

There were murmurs all around us.

"Damn, you've got a wild one Sean"

"Fuck yeah!"

"Damn!"

Then I got up off the pool table and grabbed Sean's glass of whiskey and finished it. Everyone went back to whatever they were doing. Sean came up to me and started to tell something. I put my finger to his lips and whispered for him to be quiet.

I kissed him harshly then. He responded and kissed me back, then started kissing me neck. His hand went up my thigh. It was then I got up and walked him toward the back room, still in a haze. In a lustful adrenaline rush.


	12. Chapter 12

**Kissing in the Rain**

**Chapter 12**

Emma's POV 

I couldn't ignore the rumors. Yet I couldn't believe them. This was Ellie, this wasn't Amy or something it was Ellie. I put some lip gloss on and walked into the doors of Degrassi. I spun the dial on my locker.

"Oh my god Emma!"

I turned around and saw Manny running towards me excitedly.

"Did you hear what happened this weekend with Ellie Nash?"

I sighed. "Yeah, who hasn't?"

"Well what did you hear?" Manny asked, with a disappointed look on her face.

"Ellie Nash was at a party at Jay's and she made out with someone or something. I doubt it's even true." I said.

"It's true."

I turned around and saw Jay leaning against a locker.

"Yeah, and how would you know?" I said.

Jay walked closer "I was there babe, it was my house."

I didn't say anything. He leaned and whispered in my ear.

"and it was a whole lot more than making out with some random person." He said.

"What do you mean Jay?" I said trying to not sound interested.

Manny interrupted " I heard she made out with Amy on a pool table or something? Is that true Jay?"

Jay laughed "Yeah, that girl's got a wild side. Sean enjoyed it too after her lil session with Amy" he walked off.

"Oh my god she slept with Sean! Emma did you hear that." Manny said.

"Yeah I heard." I said still in shock.

"Aw Emma don't sound so depressed, I thought you didn't like Sean anymore." Manny said.

"I don't" I said and walked to class.

I sat in class totally lost in my thoughts. Mr. Simpson's lecture was a blur. She made out with Amy, then slept with Sean. There's no way. I wouldn't be able to believe it unless I heard it from her. I looked up and saw Ellie walking in the halls. I got up and asked Mr. Simpson if I could use the restroom. I shut the door behind me. I saw Ellie at the water fountain. She looked so delicate, so fragile as her hair hung in front of her face. I almost decided against approaching her. Almost. I walked up to her.

"Hey El, can we talk?" I said.

She looked up startled to see me. "Um sure, what's up?"

I looked at the clock and realized the bell would ring in 5 minutes. I grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the school.

"What the-" she said.

"We're skipping okay.' I said in a rush.

She didn't argue. We walked forever it seemed. Neither of us spoke. We ended up behind the dot.

"Emma what's going on?"

"El, why did you do it?"

"What do you mean."

"El why did you do it!" I said a little more harshly.

She was quiet for a bit.

"I was a tad bit tipsy, I didn't mean to."

I started laughing. This crazed laughter just erupted from me.

"Jesus Christ El, you were drunk? YOU WERE FUCKIN DRUNK?" I yelled.

She didn't say anything. I rubbed my temples and kind of smiled.

"You weren't aware of what you were doing at all eh? You were just so gone, that the consequences didn't matter. Maybe, that's not the reason. You know perfectly well what the consequences are Eleanor, You know them. That;s why you did it, because you knew it didn't matter what the hell you did?"

"That not how it was. It was a mistake." Ellie said.

"No shit, and so is everything, so is what we have. It's just some mistake. We're a mistake, it's not morally right. So you go and screw some guy because it's right. Well, there's a point for Adam and Eve."

"Emma, He's my boyfriend, your just a friend, hell I hardly know you. And yes it's not right, two girls aren't supposed to be together."

"But are you happy El?"

"I-"

"Because if you're happy, like truly happy, then good for you. If your truly happy with Sean, then I'll be happy. As much as it'll hurt to lose you, as much as it'll kill me, I'll be fine. All I need is for you to be happy El, that's all I need. Just tell me your happy with the way things are and I'll leave it be. I'll leave it be. But I look at you and you confuse me. Just tell me what you want El, what do you want? "

"I don't know what I want Em."

**A/N: Love is pain wouldn't you agree? Review with our thoughts, flames are welcome as long they're constructive, or e-mail me.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Kissing in the Rain**

**Chapter 13**

**Ellie's POV:**

It wasn't a lie. I truly don't know what I want. I don't know what I want! No matter how many times I've tried to figure out what I want but in the end I come up with nothing. She didn't say anything. She just walked off. She didn't say a word. I'm shocked she's talked to me at all. I picked up my books and walked to class. I scribbled on my notebook as a sub tried to take attendance. Amy walked into class late. She straightened her skirt and put her hair over a fresh hickey. I can't believe I made out with her. I can't even blame the vodka. I knew very well what I was doing. The bell rang and I walked out of class.

Usually I would get a ride home from Marco, but I felt like walking today. The wind picked up and the clouds covered the sun. I looked down at the sidewalk as I walked. It started to drizzle. I saw the spots land on the sidewalk in slow motion. Each raindrop took over a different section, until the sidewalk was completely soaked. I walked to the ravine. It was empty at this time of day. I flopped down to the grass and let the rain pour on me. Chills ran down my spine as the thunder cracked above me and the lightning flashed through the sky. I screamed into the emptiness. Every emotion inside of me, every emotion that I had kept hidden deep inside me, just came out. It was unstoppable. I sobbed and kept screaming. The thunder seemed to speak with me and cracked and hissed louder and untamed. Storms are free. Rain, snow, hail, it just pours down whenever it feels like it. It doesn't give a damn. I want to be free. My storm is caged though. Will I ever be free? I closed my eyes and tried to become one with the storm. Each shrill cry that came from me was the thunder. The lightning symbolized my love, flashing through the shy for all to see. I don't know how long I laid there. The storm slowly ceased. I was breathing heavy and still sobbing. I took a deep breath and counted to ten. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I didn't feel like going back to Ashley's place so I walked to Alex's. I knocked on her apartment door. She opened the door. The good thing about Alex is, she doesn't ask questions. She opened the door wider and I followed her inside. Her mom was passed out on the couch. I knew that feeling. Alex grabbed some blankets out of a closet. I followed her to her room and she put the blankets on the floor.

"Sorry we don't have a guest room." She said with a smirk and threw me some extra clothes.

I laughed and went to change in her bathroom.

"Hey El-" Alex said.

"You might want to wipe the mascara off that's running down your face. People might get the wrong idea and think that you'd been crying or something." She said and then turned off the light and went to sleep.

Heh, Alex, she has a way of letting you know she cares without smothering you. I changed and walked over to the blankets on the floor. I yawned and closed my eyes. Man, I love walking in the rain, because than, no one can tell your crying.

Author's Note: It might be awhile until I update again. I'm drawing a blank and I don't want to write something sloppy. I'm working on another fic "Drifting Away" check it out if you wish. I'll try an update soon. Much love all


	14. Chapter 14

**Kissing in the Rain**

Chapter 14 

**Emma's POV:**

It wasn't a lie. I wasn't lying when I said that all I needed was for her to be happy. A month had passed since our last encounter. We would pass each other in the hall and she'd give a friendly wave and I'd nod. We'd have scattered conversations here and there during passing periods, but not much more. Ellie needed space. She needed time to figure herself out. In the mean time, I focused on babysitting the lil bro, homework, and so on. I wasn't going to sit by and watch the trees change colors and wait for her. I had a life. Sadly, as much as I tried to move on, I couldn't. Every time I thought I was close to being over her, I'd see her in the halls with Sean, and all the emotions would come flooding back to me. I left the house and went on a walk. The weather was beautiful. The leaves were changing, and there was a slight chill to the air.

"Hey Emma"

I turned around and saw Peter pointing his camera at me. I rolled my eyes. He was always running around with that camera. That's what got him in trouble with Manny.

"Point that thing away form me Peter." I said with a glare.

He laughed and put it in his bag. I don't think I ever saw that boy frown. He always seemed to have a smirk on his face. I could've played the card of sweet revenge on him for what he did to Manny but some reason I had stopped myself.

"So, you doing anything later?" He asked casually.

"Yeah, I'm kind of busy." I lied.

"Well there's this new movie out." He started to say.

"Let me take a rain check." I said and started to walk away. Would he ever get the hint that I didn't want to go on a date. He touched my arm. I whipped around and looked at him.

"You're running out of rain checks Emma." He said.

He was right. I had rejected him more than once. Hell, I could watch a movie, it's not like it was anything serious or anything.

I sighed, "What time are you picking me up?"

He grinned " Seven okay?"

"It's fine, I'll see you then." I walked away. I hadn't been to the movies in forever. I didn't even know what movies were playing. I scribbled down a note to my mom and I changed into some different clothes. As the clock drew nearer to seven, I found myself getting butterflies. This was weird, it's not like this was something major. It was just a movie. Right? When the doorbell rang I jumped. He was casually waiting outside. I locked the door and walked with him to the car. I let myself in before he could get a chance to open my door. We talked a little before we got to the theater. When we arrived, I noticed the line for tickets was super long. I cursed under my breath. Long lines were a major pet peeve of mine. Peter started laughing.

I gave him a look, "What's so funny?"

He flashed two tickets "I bought tickets already, so you don't' have to worry about that line."

I started to say something sarcastic but I just nodded instead. Buying tickets in advance, it was simple yet sweet. We walked in the theater and grabbed two seats in the middle. After the first half hour of the movie I realized he hadn't made a move. Most leachy guys would have been way past that. There was something different about Peter. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all. I leaned my head on his shoulder. He stiffened up at first, but then he relaxed and put his arm around me. At that exact moment, however, Ellie's face popped up in my mind. Obviously Ellie would never be happy with me, and it hurt me too much to think about her. It was time for me to move on.


	15. Chapter 15

Hello my Readers

I know I haven't updated in forever, but Kissing in the Rain and Drifting Away will soon be up and running again. There's been a lot going on, and these stories just kind of made me remember it, so I was avoiding them for awhile. But I can't ignore them forver so soon the next chapters will be up. Thank you for being patient with me.

Love all


	16. Chapter 16

Ellie's POV

The metal seemed to gleam. The razor had such a sweet tempting call to it. I must've sat there for an hour, passing the razor from hand to hand. The metal warmed in my hand. The sound of Alex's car in the driveway broke me out of my trance. I flung the razor in the trashcan and jumped in the shower. I'd been in a daze for days. I hadn't been to school in a week and I was spiraling away. I knew what I wanted, I knew I wanted her but why was it so hard to just say it? Eventually the water grew ice cold. I could smell her hair. I could see her smile everywhere I turned. Something this good couldn't possibly be wrong could it?

It was hard to swallow as I walked up the steps into the school. I'd done this hundreds of times, yet I was shaking uncontrollably. As I opened the front doors, I expected to see everyone stop and stair. Surely they could see what I was trying to hide; surely they'd see my hidden feelings. However, when I looked around me, everything looked the same way it always did. Girls were still gossiping with each other at their lockers, jocks were still joking around and the bell rung trough the hall just like it always did. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked to my first class.

While Simpson droned on and on about god knows what, my mind was racing with thoughts of Emma. The bell rang but no matter what class I was in, all I could think about was her. Finally the last class ended and I was free to get out of that place. Everything was going well until I saw her walk around the corner. My pulse raced. I couldn't help but stare. Her golden hair seemed to glisten. She smiled and waved. She was waving! I started to wave back calmly. She didn't notice, she wasn't looking towards me. I looked behind me and saw Peter with a camera attached to his hand like usual. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was only Peter, he didn't have a chance in hell with her not after the stunt he pulled with her best friend. As I watched her walk away with him, I knew more than ever that I had to tell her how I felt.

It was night when I arrived at her house. I rang the doorbell, and held my breath. I didn't hear any footsteps. I rang it again and waited. Nothing. I pulled the envelope out of my pocket. I had taken me several hours to write this letter. I kissed it and slid it under the door. Before I had time to think about what I just did, I heard a car approaching. I jumped behind a bush and waited. What would I say if she saw me here? I could here muffled voices. I saw Emma walk out and Peter followed her. I guess they had become closer friends. I was about to slip out of the bushes and sneak away, but I noticed that Peter kept touching her and flirting. I heard her murmur for him to stop as she giggled and fumbled with the key. Suddenly she whirled around and wrapped her arms around his neck. He lifted her chin and kissed her. I froze, they went into the house, not letting go of each other for a second. I guess she didn't see my letter.


End file.
